intimacy. money. Danny Wylde.

I met Danny Wylde on Tristan Taormino's set about a year ago. His scene with Keni Styles and Adrianna Nicole was the first time I'd seen porn being made in person, and I was fascinated and impressed (and probably very awkward about it). I had seen Danny in scenes previously, but something about seeing the production process in person was an especially powerful experience. Afterward in the green room, talking with Danny and seeing him interact with others, it struck me that he's not much older than most of my students. However, my job would be significantly less depressing and more interesting if more of my students were as insightful and articulate as he. Lately I've been following in his blog, Trve West Coast Fiction, and learning something every time he updates.

Recently he shared a very personal story on his blog about his experience with a fan. The story blurs the solid line we pretend exists between sex work and other intimate experiences. I found myself relating to it on a very personal level, while also recognizing that it was outside my experience. I am always interested to read sex workers' stories, but many come off as quite sensationalistic, seemingly written "in character." Danny's writing never seems to go there- this piece is genuine, open, and very human. Spend the time reading it completely, you'll be glad you did.

Thanks again, Danny, for sharing a piece of your life with us.

Green Sex Toy Giveaway!

For a while now I've been thinking about shifting the topic of this blog from porn scholarship to commentary on all kinds of sexual things- sex toys, sex positivity, new sexuality research, etc. I have been far too caught up in my own research thus far to follow though, but Epiphora's awesome new toy giveaway gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to follow through on this!

She's giving away ten awesome GREEN sex toys! They all look lovely, and I trust Epiphora to only pick out products that are safe and amazing. Go check out the entry for ways to enter-- because EVERYONE needs a green jeweled glass butt plug. Really and truly.

New HIV case in the industry

Yesterday morning, a porn performer in the valley tested positive for HIV. As a result, two of the major studios, Vivid and Wicked, have shut down temporarily.

This is going to be a quick and dirty update-- I wanted to post something about this but don't have the time to subject myself to the usual three day agonizing I do before I share anything I ever write. There are some really interesting conversations happening on Twitter right now between people in the industry, and I want to highlight a few of them before they are overtaken by the ever-churning Twittercourse. (Like discourse... but on Twitter. Get it?) Okay, I did say this would be quick and dirty!

Within 24 hours of news of an HIV case in the industry, the homophobia and transphobia comes right out. Luke Ford encourages performers to put "any male OR female who has had sexual relations with a gay (or bisexual) male performer, and any male or female talent who has had sexual relations with a tranny" on their 'No' list (a list of performers they will not work with).

A few recent tweets that reflect the same idea:

@MiaAdultTalent @DukeSkywalker I agree tho I wouldn't shoot a gay guy for straight sex statistically gay males are more prone

@misskyleereese @ARosanoXXX its true pick a fucking side. If u Fuck dudes Fuck dudes stay out of pussys


Across several tweets, @Nica_Noelle had this to say:

I see nothing wrong with the porn community posting/tweeting our concern, panic and outrage over the latest HIV scare/situation. The fact that our group is so relatively small means that when an active performer becomes infected, we should all be worried. Spreading rumors is different than showing a reaction or concern. Mainstream media likes to depict us as oblivious fools who pay no notice. I think the fact that we all react with such alarm and spring into action proves most of us are a responsible, caring group of people. I hope nobody chooses to lash out at gay or bisexual performers as a way to animate their fear. I won't support anyone who goes that route.

More generally, a conversation about porn performers having sex with "civilians" (those outside the industry, who therefore are outside the scope of monthly AIM testing):

@VivalaDommyB @KatieSummersXXX @MiaAdultTalent you don't know what performers are fucking civilians off camera. That is the problem right there #justsaying

@KatieSummersXXX @VivalaDommyB @miaadulttalent I rarely fuck civilians but if I do I make sure there are condoms fuck that im not putting myself or co worker in that position!!

@MissBrittanyXXX @MiaAdultTalent I Produce mainstream films and the most imp thing is safety of actors. Its sad in porn the exploitation of womens health.

@MiaAdultTalent@MissBrittanyXXX I also produce for our new sites and I agree but at the end of the day condoms do and can hurt sales.

@MiaAdultTalent @MissBrittanyXXX BUT I agree I think it should totally be up to performers as it is on our sets

@MissBrittanyXXX @MiaAdultTalent and its sad to here another woman use money as a justification to put other womens lives in danger. SAD!!!

@MiaAdultTalent @MissBrittanyXXX I agree it is sad


Dylan Ryan is a fellow grad student in the industry who I had the fortune to meet on set last year. She had this to say, and then got into a short dialogue with Sinnamon Love:

@thedylanryan Folks! Before we immediately engage in Twitter hysteria about the positive test result, let's consider the person who got it, shall we? #calm

@thedylanryan Is the language of quarantine really necessary? It's HIV, not the bubonic plague. Geez.

@thedylanryan Exactly. RT @pariskennedy: @thedylanryan I know, I hate that word. It's not a fucking zombie apocalypse!

@thedylanryan You know what's awesome? Reinforcing HIV stigma and perpetuating stereotypes about our own/our industry through how we talk about this.

@SinnamonLove @thedylanryan I think it is... because that's what it is. Its a "quarantined" list of people that are unable to work.

@thedylanryan @SinnamonLove Instead: reserved, held, kept. They need not be isolated/secluded. It's not contagious or infectious necessitating quarantine.

@SinnamonLove @thedylanryan But in the context of unprotected sexual intercourse, it is contagious. And since most of the business is non-condom...


Clearly there's a lot more to say about this. I posted some of my thoughts quite a while ago about condoms in porn, but I still have quite a few reservations about this idea of mandating condom use in straight porn. Right now I just want to put this out there and leave you with a question; not whether or not condoms should be used in straight porn, but- who should get to decide?

Inspiration

My inspiration to study porn and sex comes from different places. I am genuinely interested in the topic-- I don't think anyone should devote six (or seven, or...) years of their life to something that doesn't hold their intellectual curiosity.

I also get inspired by people opening up to me and telling me that they've had some of the same thoughts or feelings that I've had, but they didn't know how to express them or were too ashamed to. I am not sure how or why I should have the authority to give people permission to explore their sexual selves, but some people- I would say perhaps most people at some point- just need to be told by someone that it's okay to be a freak in bed/kinky perv/wanton slut/whatever. I am more than happy to be that person! That's very inspirational to me.

But the inspiration I've been most struck by lately is the type that comes from seeing the truly horrifying consequences of repression, exploitation, and sex education gone terribly horribly wrong, and being so pissed off that I can't imagine doing anything else with my life than combating it. Let me show you what I mean.

Exhibit A

Orgasm, Inc is a film by Liz Canner about the medicalization of "female sexual dysfunction." I cannot wait to see the film, because I was outraged by just the preview:



(Sidenote: Shame on you and your misinforming scare tactics, Oprah.
YAY for you and your topographical map of the clitoris, Carol Queen!)


Exhibit B

As many of you know, I have joined a very awesome sex toy company called Love U*. We sell only body-safe, non-toxic, high quality stuff, and I am so excited to be a part of it. However as part of my sex toy demonstration, I went hunting for some "scary" products to show people What Not To Buy. And I quickly came up with several. One example:

The Stinging Jelly Bacteria Trapper




As one reviewer notes, "it has that awful chemical smell, which prevents me from sucking it (like my husband enjoys). It also irritates my anus..."


Yeah... that awful chemical smell and irritating burning sensation would be because it contains... AWFUL CHEMICALS. Which can be absorbed through the skin, while the porous jelly material traps bacteria. From your butt. Oh joy.




Exhibit C

The ever-vigilant and brilliant Epiphora and her lovely partner in crime Carnivalesq hunted down and lampooned some sketchy guy named Doug who runs a website called HealthyStrokes which, as far as I can tell, exists to tell teenage girls desperate to find out if they are "normal" or not that they must only masturbate

- on a bed
- on their backs
- lightly
- with their fingertips

all to prepare themselves for "sexual success" in hetero missionary-position sex. Possibly with their brothers.




Some days it can be tough to put all my time and money and energy into becoming a sex educator. Days like this, it's easy.




*More on this later, once I figure out how to improve my temporarily lame website.

Video in which I talk about porn in front of 500 people

Last quarter I was a TA for Soc 1: Introduction to Sociology, a gen ed course that covers a wide variety of concepts related to sociology. During the week about gender, the professor asked if any of us grad students would like to share our gender-related work with the class, so I volunteered to talk a bit about my project.

I forgot until recently that one of my friends took a video of my talk, and I wanted to post the video as a very brief, very basic introduction to my current project. I cut out a bit at the start where we had some technical difficulty with the Powerpoint-- it would not project correctly with my notes, so I gave this talk without any notes whatsoever. Also, unfortunately my camera ran out of space before my final conclusion and the questions from students at the end- but you get most of my talk and a bit of my data.







After the video cuts off, I conclude by relating the story that several of my female participants became much more comfortable in the course of the focus group, and several actually asked me for copies of the porn I showed them during the groups. I told the students that creating open, positive spaces like this and normalizing sexual curiosity for women is an important avenue for change.

The students were actually quite receptive, despite it being 8:30am. The first question I got from a female student was, "What exactly IS feminist porn... and how can I find some??"

I guess I'm doing something right.

TWINCEST.

A recent post on Queerty ("Free of an agenda... except that gay one") announced that a new boundary had been crossed in porn: sex between gay identical twins.
GAY. IDENTICAL. TWINS.




If these were a brother and sister having sex, there would be prayer meetings and phone banking and marches happening. Why? Well, parts of the straight world (the especially straight parts) have pretty much written off gay men as morally corrupt, lost souls capable of any acts of depravity. So seeing "proof" of this depravity in the form of gay twincest only confirms their beliefs. Horrible and disgusting, but what else could you really expect from those kinds of people.

However, female twincest is celebrated by dominant sex culture. These are the Playboy twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon:



These all-American girls even star on Girls Next Door, the E! reality show that follows Hugh Hefner's rotating, ever-youthful girlfriends. The twins live with Hef, and "sometimes share his bed." Do images like these evoke comments about destroying the family, the fundamental institution of human civilization? No. But there are lots of comments about how the twins are too flat-chested and are due for twin boob jobs.

Gamelink even has a "Top Porn Twins" list, featuring mostly blonde female twins that "didn't get it on with each other, but they came close... they continue to share boyfriends, girlfriends and toys on their website and in countless online clips."


As with most lez-bunny porn, these women are portrayed as wildly bisexual, the "naughty girl-on-girl" action forever catering to straight male voyeuristic sexual pleasure rather than the subjective pleasure of the two women engaging in sex. This is just another confirmation that as far as most straight men are concerned, two women having sex is all fun and games- after all, it's not REAL sex-with-a-penis sex, so they're really just playing around. Right?


Back to the story about the male twins-- the comments on the blog post are quite informative:

"Hmmm, I see your twins and raise a set of triplets!!! " (link is very explicit)


The Visconti triplets pose naked together, have group sex in which an unrelated man has one brother's cock in his ass and another down his throat, masturbate to one of the brothers having sex with an unrelated male, sometimes give each other handjobs and share double-ended dildos. But since they are not shown having penetrative sex with each other, as the next commenter notes, "they don't do anything together, do they?"


I'm guessing he means that the triplets don't actually fuck each other, they are merely fuck-adjacent. Any action less than penetration by a penis isn't anything, doesn't count as sex? I'll have to remember that.

One of the triplets has said, "We have gotten questions about our sexuality. To tell you the truth, we are a smorgasbord of anything and everything. We’d like to try anything…well except each other because that may be pushing the boundaries; however, it’s not to say that it’s impossible. But as we speak, there are no plans of us “doing” each other."

What? Sexuality is on a spectrum? You're not fully 100% gay like your ads say? *gasp* No!

Back to the comments on the first article:

"This is really disturbing. Making incest look cool is bad. Firstly incest is not appropriate…unlike gay marriage IT DOES HURT the family structure – what next, gay fathers being sexually intimate with their adopted son (even if above 18)? Can you imagine a similar shot showing brother-sister or mother-son? And then gays wonder why people object to them marrying? If the gay culture in US thinks incest is OK, everything needs to be done to ensure that they can not get married, have a legal family etc. Btw... a gay man here."

This person apparently thinks that this is an example of Gays Gone Wild, and if those crazy US gays are going to do horrible things like incest, better not let them have rights! This also plays upon the myth that gay men are more likely to be pedophiles or try to "recruit" adopted children into the "lifestyle." I especially like how this comment is capped off with a claim of insider identity that is supposed to lend legitimacy to his statement. So while "gay culture in the US" is invariable, this gay man (presumably not in the US) has nothing to do with it.*

So what have we learned?

1. Twincest is gross and wrong when the twins are male.
2. Twincest is sexy playful fun when the twins are female.
3. The Visconti brothers are fine as hell.**

Heteronormativity is safe and sound, kids.



*The gay rights movement is no stranger to its more conservative elements condemning the flamboyant behavior of other gay men in a bid to secure respectability and acceptance from hetero culture.

**Oh, don't tell me you didn't think it too!

My Year Without Shame

The anti-porn community struck again, linking to this article by a former porn camera guy called "Why I Had to Stop Making Hardcore Porn".

The erotophobes* took this as evidence of their tenet that the mainstream hetero porn industry is hopelessly misogynistic and even further, the whole porn industry should clearly just be shut down. Maybe they missed the second page of the article, because at the end he notes,

Moreover, within the world of heterosexual pornography, it’s clear that not every scene is degrading. Some are directed by women, others by alt-porn types who fancy a pink mohawk and maybe a bit of plot more so than your average everyday, run-of-the-mill gang bang; many films, happily, are simply produced by people who don’t seem propelled by anger. Some are just plain damn sexy.

At its worst, though, porn can represent with shocking clarity the inability of a modern society to empathize. We are living in an increasingly individualistic, over-privatized, fragmented society, and it's not going to get any better any time soon. Perhaps the character of our generation will be judged in how we react to the images that run before us on our screens: do we wish for the objects of our desire to be punished, humiliated? Or treated with respect? The answer is in our collective consciousness. It is up to us.

Maybe they just didn't get that far. This guy is refreshingly introspective about his motivations in the industry and the choices he made that could have been better, which I really respect. I still feel his conclusion is a bit essentialist: only women-directed, alternative, "punishment"-free porn is actually sex-positive and acceptable?

I have such a hard time when people ask me what feminist porn is and why I chose to study it. Depending on who is asking, I usually give them the canned, "30 seconds in the elevator" sanitized version, full of academic language and mentions of Foucault. Sometimes I decide to give them a choice: Do they wanted the sound bite, or do they want the real story? Not everyone gets the real story, because it's very personal and risky. And because I allow myself to be shamed into silence.

The truth is, I was interested in studying porn because I have felt strong ambivalence for years about the kind of porn that really gets me off: the "violent and degrading" stuff that so many feminists rail against in very general terms. I used to say I was the "worst feminist ever!" for enjoying scenes of male dominance. But so much of my frustration came from not being able to find porn of this type that is clearly consensual and delightful for all parties. I don't want to watch some poor girl getting slapped around and faux-moaning because she's getting paid to perform that scene, I want to watch women fulfilling their fantasies of power play and submission and getting off on it. Which is still pretty damn hard to find.

This isn't something I'll admit to most people, because I've gotten my share of disgusted reactions from females (and sometimes males) or too-interested and creepily proprietary looks and comments from males. Even men with the best intentions can get this twisted and assume this means they have some kind of special access to me or permission to say whatever they want to me because I've admitted I sometimes like it rough, so I must be "that kind of girl." (Doesn't mean I want to have rough sex with you, buddy!)

Yes, I like being submissive. I like being spanked, slapped, scratched, bitten, held down, tied up. I like being called all the words we have for sexually immoral women. I think having the trust and communication with a partner who truly gets it and can do these things with me with nothing but respect for me is one of the most exciting and intimate experiences I've ever had.

And no, to answer the question that everyone seems entitled to ask: I haven't been raped or sexually abused, though I've had my share of tough experiences. Though for those women who may have been sexually assaulted and are working through their trauma with roleplay involving dominance... so what? What right do we have to judge their choices? Guess what, women (and men) have to deal with the aftermath of assault and pain. It doesn't invalidate their ability to make choices for themselves. Sexuality is a life-long process we all go through, and I have little patience for people who like to police and criminalize and condemn the journey of others.

But back to me, and the fact that I like being pinned down and called a slut.

Part of my journey is trying not to live in shame about who I am and what I enjoy. The personal is political, and if I want to make a real difference and change how people think about women's sexuality, I can't keep tiptoeing around the issue and cloaking my personal story in pure and immaculate academic interest. Some sociologists can live with doing research that removes them from the equation, where they can sit back in the shadows, a mysterious authority on other people's experiences. I can't. Not anymore. The work is too important for me to hold back.

Knowing that friends, family, professors and students have the link to this blog is making me pretty scared about hitting the "Publish Post" button on this one, but this is my resolution of the year: No more living in shame. Here it goes.

*Thanks to Marty Klein, author of America's War on Sex for this deliciously descriptive term.

2010 AVN Award Winners

The AVN Awards were in Vegas this weekend. I would have loved to go, but I was busy answering 50,000 emails from frantic undergrads... Anyway, I don't really have time to do a full breakdown of the categories and nominees but I wanted to offer my congratulations and condolences to a few favorites:


Congratulations to...

The cast and crew of The 8th Day, who won Best All-Girl Three-Way Sex Scene, Best DVD Extras, Best Editing, Best Makeup, Best On-Line Marketing Campaign- Individual Project, Best Packaging Innovation, Best Special Effects, Best Video Feature, and Best Videography!

Tristan Taormino for Best Educational Release for Expert Guide to Threesomes!

Sasha Grey for Best Anal Sex Scene, Best Oral Sex Scene, Jenna Jameson Crossover Star of the Year!

Penny Flame for Best Supporting Actress in Throat: A Cautionary Tale!

Mr. Marcus for Best DP Scene with Bobbi Starr and Sean Michaels!

Who's Nailin' Paylin? for Clever Title of the Year (though I also liked Coctomom and Jon and Kate Fuck Eight)

Derrick Pierce for Unsung Male Performer of the Year (I couldn't agree more!)


Condolences to...

Sasha Grey, Hillary Scott and Roxy Deville who lost Best Actress.

Hardcore Circus, which lost Best Art Direction.

On My Dirty Knees and Throat: A Cautionary Tale which lost Best Couples Sex Scene.

Erika McLean, who lost Best Director Non-Feature to William H.

Tristan Taormino's Rough Sex, which lost Best Specialty Release (other genre).

Joanna Angel and Belladonna who lost Director of the Year.


Who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to give live reports from Vegas! I hear it's really more about the spectacle than a legitimate awards show, but still sounds fun.

Porn Studies

When I tell people I took a class in Feminist Studies about pornography and am now studying porn for my MA, I get mixed reactions ranging from amusement and envy to shock or derision. "Wow, they give you a degree for anything these days, huh?"

The more I read and research and talk to people about porn, the more it becomes obvious to me that Porn Studies could really be its own undergraduate major and graduate emphasis. Don't believe me? Look at the range of classes we could offer:

• Porn Studies 101: Intro to Pornography
  
• History of Porn: The Americas
• History of Porn: Ancient Greece and Rome
• History of Porn: Asia
• History of Porn: Europe
• History of Porn: Africa and the Middle East
  
• Methodology of Porn Studies: Surveys
• Methodology of Porn Studies: Interviewing and Focus Groups
• Methodology of Porn Studies: Content Analysis
• Who Watches What? Demographics of Porn Use
• Porn and Media: from Postcards to Streaming Video
• The "Golden Age" of Porn: Late 60s-Early 80s
  
• Race and Ethnicity in Porn
• Gender Representation in Porn
• Porn and Religion
• High Culture or Low Culture? Class Conflict in Porn
  
• What is Obscenity? Pornography and the Law
• Playing it Safe: Porn and Health
  
• The Labor Market of Porn Production
• Porn Marketing and Advertising
• Erotic Capital: The "Ass" in Financial Assets
• Pornography and Feminism: 1970s-90s
  
• Pornography and Feminism: 90s-Today
  
• Lezbunnies and Dykes: Lesbian Porn
• Twinks and Muscles and Bears, Oh My: Gay Porn
• Outside the Box: Indie Porn
• Historical and Post-Modern Erotic Art
  
• Dirty Poems and Erotic Stories: Porn Literature
  
• Sex Ed: Instructional Porn
  
• AltPorn: Suicide Girls and Evil Angel
• BDSM and Kink Porn
• Porn in Pop Culture: from Boogie Nights to Zack and Miri
• Child Pornography in Cultural Context
  
• Legal and Illicit Drug Use and Porn
• Porn Addiction: Fact or Fiction?
• New Technologies of Porn
• Porn Analysis and Critique Practicum

I'm sure I'm missing some, please feel free to suggest more. I can easily see designing each of these to be its own class, bringing in literature as well as video and other media. Each subject would necessarily delve into other disciplines as well; this major would explore culture, histories of various nations, methodologies of social science, media studies, race theory, gender theory, feminist theory, class conflict, labor markets, advertising, health and epidemiology, religion, LGBTQ history and theory, forms of resistance, the law, art history, literature, education, psychology, and technology.

This discipline is actually more comprehensive than many other well-established academic majors. So the next time (or first time) you hear someone identify as a porn scholar, don't scoff. Take that opportunity to learn a thing or two.

Can using porn be spiritual? Does it have to be?

Jayson responded to my comments below, and brought up an interesting view that I haven't really thought much about. Here is his comment:

"Excellent comments! You and Chris are helping me see a wider lens. True, my stance is a problem centered as many men I deal with it is labled and treated as a problem. The men are not “troubled” nor would I label them as such. However, they “feel” troubled and ashamed, scared, angry, etc.

And yes, I am generalizing a great deal. Here’s another sweeping generalization—most people are very locked up when it comes to sex and their sexuality, which is the real issue here.

Lastly, you mention the larger context of sexuality here which is the deeper issue. When sex or porn is done in a “conscious” or open hearted way, and when two lovers can express themselves openly (with an open heart), sex and porn become a service to open others, a vehicle to touch the ultimate, to experience God, to become one, all through the healing power of love. I believe too often porn is in the “animal” realm of human consciousness. Tantra on the other hand sees sexuality as the route to enlightenment and freedom. When sex becomes a spiritual practice perhaps anything goes.

Thanks for your wisdom and factual notes to support your view. Very helpful and I’m learning a lot from your comments. Keep ‘em coming!"

(Again, his blog post is here).


My response:

"Thank you for discussing this with me! Sometimes I wonder why I do the work I do, and it's great to have a reminder about why this topic is so important.

I definitely did not intend to use a stigmatizing label of "troubled" for men who seek counseling about sexual issues! If any person is feeling troubled, ashamed, etc. about a behavior then it is indeed a problem for him/her, and not something to be trivialized or disparaged. I was just inquiring if this sample has shaped your perceptions about porn and the role it plays in men's lives. I think it would be valuable to preface posts like this with something like, "IF you experience porn as a problem, THEN here are some solutions you should think about."

I am not blindly pro-porn regardless of the consequences; I feel like porn is a bit like alcohol in that way. It can be a healthy, relaxing, enjoyable addition to your life, but it could also be a destructive force in one's life if used improperly (which is subjective). I object to implications some people make that porn will necessarily lead to addiction, misogyny, shame, or any other negative experience. That is subjectively and empirically untrue.

You mentioned this experience: "One client recently told me when he feels anxious, he goes to porn, gets the job done and feels less anxious for a little while." I wonder... is that such a bad thing? Obviously I haven't talked with this client, but just based on that statement I wouldn't identify porn as the problem. People have all kinds of anxieties and frustrations in life-- why not use porn (or a glass of wine, or a good movie) to distract yourself for a little while? These things won't solve any deeper conflicts, but I don't believe they would (necessarily) contribute to them, either.

I think using porn as part of a spiritual sexual experience the way you describe is a great thing, but not the only kind of experience that is valid and enriching. Sometimes I simply watch porn to get aroused, have a fantastic orgasm or three, and go to sleep naked and satisfied. I do experience that as a form of loving myself, but experiencing God really isn't a part of it-- and I think that's okay.

My point is just that Tantric sex with a partner is fantastic, but in my view it is not the only fulfilling way to experience porn or sexuality.

Something also occurred to me while reading this and looking around the site a bit more: this is a very hetero-centric discussion. I'm not sure if that's deliberate or not, but I wonder if you have thought about the way gay men relate to porn by themselves or with a partner? This mostly takes any misogynist element out of the equation (I believe some gay men may watch porn involving women but I imagine that's more rare), though gay porn has its issues, too. Do you work with queer men or women at all?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you think? Can watching porn be a spiritual experience, a connection to God/the divine? Does this necessarily involve a partner? Is it okay to use porn without that spiritual component, in an "animalistic" way just to satisfy yourself?



My immediate reaction is that constraining pornography and sexuality to the spiritual realm is just a way of validating porn use and sexual feelings that would otherwise be considered shameful, hedonistic, dirty, indulgent, selfish, and otherwise unacceptable. Maybe your religion restricts sexual expression and that is the way you can experience sexual pleasure without guilt. Okay. And I'm not saying that watching something like the DVD on the left with your honey while breathing deep and listening to Desert Rose isn't awesome and fulfilling and definitely worth doing once in a while. I'm just saying that I would quickly get bored and frustrated and start throwing things if that's the only way I had sex.


Coupling porn use inextricably with spirituality seems like a way of sanitizing a part of human experience that can be powerfully primal and secular. Sex and porn can be messy and ugly and raw. Isn't that part of why we love it?